The Big Match

first_imgDearest Blog, I promised I’d be in touch again soon; so here I am. I write to you from the Isle of Tenerife and send you my holiday greetings. It has been brought to my attention, by Tommy, one of the Star Army’s tremendous telephonists, that a couple of our larger staking clients, who enjoy using our ‘Uber’ line, have been abusing this privilege by being rude in their dealings and manner.They may find that their accounts will be suspended for a month, if such behaviour continues. And in turn, be directed to one of our small-stake-only accepting, online competitors, for the duration of this suspension period. They will come running back with open arms, I can assure you!I, on the other hand, being of direct blood descent, to Caesar, Napoleon and Henry VIII, reserve the right to say whatever I like, to all of the toad-like Punters and Staff!In other news:Being an English ‘pesado’, the only place I ever feel truly comfortable on holiday is Tenerife. It really is a home from home for me; as being a totally small-minded, sun-burnt, and over-weight tourist, I like to know exactly where I am, and what I am up against. During a recent exploration of the island, I came across a restaurant that I would simply love to take all of the chaps (and Pam Statements, of course) to, for a good old knees-up and feed. It goes by the name of ‘El Rodeo’, in Adeje. On entering the establishment you are presented with a card. On one side it is red, and on the other; green. Every five minutes a different waiter emerges from the kitchen with a huge joint of meat and walks around the restaurant floor with it. If your card is green, he carves some onto your plate, and if it is red; he passes you by, on his way to some keener ‘El Gordo’s’. You are able to continue for as long as your innards will allow, and it’s all great fun.Much has been debated upon, as to who is the greatest eater, out of; myself, Lofty (our senior trader, on the fixed-odds), or Malcolm ‘Mooh Cow’ (our operations-manager, on the spreads.). El Rodeo would be a great place to put such a competition into place.Blog, I can give you a head-start, with my inside-information form guide, for such a match-up:Lofty: Over-rated. A grazer. I have studied his performance and eating skills closely. He eats neither at top speed, nor in enormous quantity, in one sitting. He, however, never stops in his sport, and always has some food on the go.Myself: Speed Demon. I am fully confident I could ‘DO ‘EM BOFE’ with my sprinting skills. Nobody can shovel their grub down as quick as I. However, my quantity intake has declined in recent years. I often have to leave part of a curry and am now not a visitor to the counter for seconds at the carvery. Poor, I know, Blog.Malcolm. Big-timer. Malcolm’s a pro, and nobody can argue this. At such a ‘sporting’ event, he would have to have ‘The Dustbin’ written on the back of his shirt. He just keeps going and going like a true Iron-man eater. Malcolm ‘Milkers’ is so on his game, that if food be present at a meeting, he has to finish it all off before being able to concentrate on the matter in hand (which is secondary always to the food on the table!).Blog, I shall report back again soon.Yours, Ben xlast_img read more